So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
