I just made out with a guy for $7.
barbara walters just said penis...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
