...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
