I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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