I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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