if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
