How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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