Pants 0. Shit 1.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
