JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
