dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
