I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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