My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
