Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
