The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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