She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
