I wish I could teleport
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
