life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
