He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
