i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
