He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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