you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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