I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this beer tastes like vomit already
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
