He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
