I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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