Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
