this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
