You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
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So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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