Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
