Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
