Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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