There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
