is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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