If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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