Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
