Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
