my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
