Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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