At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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