Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
