Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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