just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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