just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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