Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
