I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
