youre lurking in front of me
it was like eating out sand paper
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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