Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
