those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bring me that man meat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
