I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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