HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
