i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
