So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
