he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
zippers are such a cool invention
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
