I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
