Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My liver just had a heart attack.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I smell like Dick and happiness
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
