so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I sprained my soul last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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