I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
