i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
