come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
