So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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