what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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