I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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