Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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