why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
