I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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