5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
