Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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