I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
