Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
