We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
