I didn't shave. On purpose
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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