Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
