okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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