We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
