She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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