shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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