Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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