Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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