I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
