It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
